I’m Offended! Er…Offensive.

Well, It’s taken me a little more than a year to do it, but The “Bastard’s Blog” has finally managed to offend someone. What did it? Was it my questioning the rules of the world’s “beautiful game?” Was it my questioning Russia’s status and place in the international system? Was it my bashing Arab culture and television?

Nope.

It was Eurovision!

Terry Wogan’s got nothing on me folks. “Peter” (who, judging from his defense of the Greek winner of Eurovision 2005, Elena Paparizou, must have a last name like Popolapadopolous) was so shocked and outraged at my live blogging of the Eurovision song contest, he felt a need to leave a comment letting me know how “offensive” he finds this site to be.

I’m all for open dialogue with readers, so let’s address his points one by one.

Just commenting to say how offensive your blog is.

I’m offensive? Are you kidding me? Go read Maddox, go read rotten, go read Tucker Max. Then come back here and tell me I’m offensive.

Fine the Eurovision Contest is corny and stuff, but that doesn't give you the right to insult almost every act in the show.

OK, but apparently and stuff you have the right and stuff to come to my blog and stuff and insult me and stuff?

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I accept that,

Good. I am of the opinion that you are an overly sensitive douche-bag with no sense of humor and an inability to detect or appreciate sarcasm.

but you look at Wig Wam and Granny and give your points to them?

Yes, I do. As explained in my posting I thought that Wig Wam’s obvious homage to 70s glam metal was campy and well done. Sitting through 20 or so clones singing Euro-Pop drivel surrounded by horrible back-up dancers made them stick out even more. They managed to be both derivative and original. No small feat in my opinion.

As for the Moldavian act, perhaps you didn’t understand that I was rooting for them so that Eurovision 2006 would have had to have been hosted in Chisinau, the capital of a country so poor that people sell their organs to survive. You probably also missed the joke about holding the competition in Tiraspol, the city that is the capital of Trans-Dniester, a break away region of Moldova that makes Minsk look like Paris.

I mean honestly are you abnormal or what.

I mean honestly and stuff, do you know what a question mark is?

The song that wins should be the song that can be listened to more than once.

Right, and when I think of songs that are replayable I think of the 1984 contest winner from Sweden, “Diggi-Loo Diggi-Ley.” Really, who can forget that song? Twenty years later I still hear it all the time, everywhere I go in Europe, nay, the world. It’s timeless.

I find the Moldovian and Norweigan entries cheap trash with a low replayability.

I find that use of the verb “to be” can help sentences sound coherent.

I suggest if you bother LiveBlogging another event you try it with more mature attitude…

I suggest that you stop taking events like the Eurovision Song Contest so seriously.

...and consider perhaps that a well-rehearsed and perfect performance like that by Elena Paparizou (you didn't even spell THAT right)…

1) I didn’t realize that the cheesy dance numbers were part of the competition! I thought it was to judge the best song. Hence the name “Eurovision Song Contest” and not “Eurovision Song and Dance Contest.”

2) I’m sorry and stuff. I promise and stuff to never again misspell a name transliterated from one alphabet into another and stuff, especially by misinterpreting stressed vowel sounds and stuff. Obviously Peter, you are a giant among men in matters of English spelling and grammar. I am shamed that I have not met your high standards and stuff.

…is worth winning over a cheap unappealing grandma running around.

Personally, I find it offensive that you would refer to a poor Moldavian grandmother as “cheap” and “unappealing.” When I think cheap, I’m more likely to think of an over made-up Greek trollop wearing a shirt that says “Studd” than a Grandmother. When I think unappealing, I’m more likely to think of some Cypriot Michael Jackson wannabe than a poor Moldavian Grandmother.

In short Peter, I encourage you to stop bitching about a blog that is blazing new comedic ground by making fun of Eurovision. Instead, I suggest you go eat a Gyro and cry about getting your ass kicked by the Turks at Izmir.